Explaining is Losing

November 21, 2020

Autism and Gut Biome

November 19, 2020

Probiotics: Healing the Mind

by Dr Natasha Campbell-McBride

Dr Natasha Campbell-McBride knows about children’s health from personal experience. Her son was diagnosed autistic when he was three. At three and a half, he started a program of treatment. Now 15, he attends a mainstream school.

“I remember that traumatic moment of the diagnosis ‘Autism’, being announced to us by our doctor followed by a statement ‘There is nothing that can be done’, says Natasha.”Well, being a doctor myself, I have to say ‘Your doctor is wrong! There is a lot that can be done’.”

Natasha and her partner Peter were founding members of PEACH (Parents for the Early intervention of Autism in Children). PEACH is a parent-led group helping parents of children with autism Intensive Behavioral Intervention Program. Also known as ABA, this approach is based on highly personalized, one-to-one coaching that teaches children language, play, academic, intellectual, self-help and social skills. An ABAprogram can sometimes achieve miracles, but Natasha’s research and experience has shown her that it is still not enough.

“Looking back now, nobody could predict that a little boy without any language, constantly self stimulating, eating very little apart from milk from a baby bottle could undergo such a transformation. On the whole what happened to him can only be described as a miracle. However, his achievements are not due solely to the ABAprogram”, says Natasha.

“A huge part of his transformation was in his nutritional management. Being trained as a medical doctor I knew that conventional medicine has nothing to offer children like my son. So I went back to the university and trained as a nutritionist. We have changed his diet and after tryingvarious nutritional supplements we have found the ones that work. An autistic child needs a very special nutritional management, a major part of it being –putting his gut flora right! Gut flora is a living organism very sensitive to the diet, antibiotics, steroids and stress.

“Diet on its own is a very powerful tool in helping an autistic child. But it cannot solve all the problems without nutritional supplements. In order to rebalance the gut flora it is essential to use a strong multi-strain probiotic.

“He showed an excellent response to probiotics. From about two to three months after starting it we saw dramatic improvements in our son –his eye contact became normal and stable, the self-stimulation had almost disappeared, he generally became more aware and with us. Everybody comments on how healthy he looks. He used to be on a milk-free diet. We introduced some milk products back into his diet and found that he tolerates it now without any symptoms.“

As a result of their experience, Peter heads upCambridge Bioceuticals, a UK company founded by a team of doctors, nutritionists and scientists dedicated to advancing the research and use of probiotics. And he has become one of many children able to be helped by a combination of treatments with one thing in common –the use of powerful, multi-strain therapeutic probiotics.

“More than 400 children have gone through my clinic“, says Natasha.”Hyperactive children, children with dyslexia and asthma and eczema and ADHD and other disabilities, and what I see is that what we have in our society is an epidemic of compromised gut flora.”

As a result, she says, we also have an epidemic of poor health in children.”We hardly have any healthy children nowadays. One survey showed that only 10% of school children did not have a diagnosed condition. If you look at a typical school, you hardly see any healthy children. Some are obese, some look malnourished, a lot of them are very pale, a lot of them have eczema, a lot of them have asthma. About 30% of them are on inhalers. The situation is very sad.”

Recent international studies have suggested a relatively strong causal relationship between increased risk of childhood asthma and exposure to antibiotics during childhood, especially during the first year of life. Prof Julian Crane of Otago University has commented: “Our paper, together with a study published . . . in Thorax (Farooqi IS, et al. Thorax 1998;53:927-32), raises the possibility that broad-spectrum antibiotics, particularly in the first year of life, may be associated with an increased risk of atopy and asthma. For reasons that have been pointed out in both papers, these results cannot be taken as definitive, but rather as hypothesis-raising.

“On the other hand, the results are plausible. Broad-spectrum antibiotics came into clinical usage in the 1960s, and their increased use coincides with the time trends for the increasing prevalence of asthma. There is a plausible mechanism, namely that broad-spectrum antibiotics may alter and reduce bowel flora and thus switch off the immunological signals that these gut bacteria send to the developing immune system.” (1) Crane has also showed, with a study of 450 children at six Steiner schools in New Zealand, that even with• parents opposed to the routine use of antibiotics, a staggering 75% of the children had used antibiotics, 36% in the first year of life!

Autism is also exploding.” In this country one child in 250 is diagnosed as autistic, when 10 years ago we had one child in 10,000“, says Natasha. This is nothing to do with improvements or changes in diagnosis, she says.”The medical establishment and the government are trying to present it that way. But what that would mean is that 10 years ago doctors were so bad at diagnosing our children that they were missing one child in 250. But autism is not a disability that goes away as the child grows up. If they had missed one child in 250 10 years ago, then we would still only have one in 250 teenagers with autism now, which we don’t. Everybody who knows and works with autism is convinced that there is an epidemic going on.”

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GAPS Diet: How to Eat

November 19, 2020

One Man’s Meat is Another Man’s Poison!

By Dr Natasha Campbell-McBride

We are all different; every one of us is a unique individual. So, ‘one size fits all’ never works. That is why we have such a bewildering number of various diets being proposed: high carbohydrate / low carbohydrate, high fat / low fat, high protein / low protein, all raw / all cooked, etc. etc.; and the interesting thing is that every diet suits some people and does not suit others. Why is that? Because ‘it takes two to tango’, which means that there is no such thing as a bad food per se or good food per se without taking into account a very important factor, who is eating it! Not only who is eating it, but what state that person is in.

Let’s try and understand this in more detail.

We all have different heredity and constitution. If your predecessors were Vikings or Eskimos, then chances are that you will generally need to eat lots of fish, meat and fat. But if your predecessors came from a Mediterranean culture or some tropical area of the world, then you will probably need more carbohydrates in your diet. Ancient Chinese and Ayurvedic medicines try to classify different constitutional types of people, and would not dream of applying diet or herbs without this knowledge, as different constitutional types need very different approaches.

Constitution is just one factor. There are many more.

Throughout our lives our bodies go through anabolic / catabolic cycles, in other words cycles of building itself up and cleansing itself. There is a daily building / cleansing cycle, a seasonal one and ‘asitisnecessary’ ones which can happen any time. For building itself your body needs very different nutrients from those it uses for cleansing itself (animal foods are generally building, while plant foods are generally cleansing). Only your body knows what it needs at every moment of your life.

Depending on what your body is doing at the time, depending on the season of the year, on the weather and the level of stress you are under, your body can switch between different ways of energy production: using glucose for example or using fats. Only your body knows what is appropriate at any particular moment of your existence, and it requires very different nutrients for different patterns of energy production.

We all have an autonomic nervous system, which is responsible for all the ‘autopilot’ functions of the body: for your heart beating, for your blood circulating, for your digestive system feeding you, etc. The autonomic nervous system is made out of two branches: a sympathetic nervous system and a parasympathetic nervous system. These two systems generally work in opposition to each other providing a very complex balance in every function of the body. Again, depending on an infinite number of factors (daily cycle of activity and sleep, season, weather, stress, infection, feeding / cleansing, your occupation at the time, etc.) you will shift from being ‘sympathetic dominant’ to ‘parasympathetic dominant’. This shift can happen several times every day, every few days, every season and it is different in different agegroups. The important thing is that these two branches of our nervous system require very different sets of nutrients to be fed: one likes meat and fat, while the other needs more plant foods. Only your body knows what proportions of protein/fat/carbohydrate it needs at any given moment of your life; no laboratory or scientist will be able to calculate this for you.

Then there is the acid / alkaline balance in the body, which again changes all the time every day depending on many factors. There is a myth in nutritional circles that ‘being acid is bad’ and that all of us have to strive to be alkaline all the time. Different foods have been classified to be ‘alkalising’ (such as fruit and vegetables) or ‘acidifying’ (such as grains and meats). This simply is not true. Your body shifts from alkaline to acid states all the time depending on many factors: activity of your autonomic nervous system, the type of energy production at the time, your hormonal profile at the time, respiration, kidney function, many of which in turn change according to daily cycle, season, weather and your activity. Depending on all those factors an apple, for example, which is considered to be an ‘alkalising’ food, can make your body acid, and vice versa, a piece of meat, which is considered to be ‘acidifying’ can make your body alkaline. Only your body knows how to use foods at any given moment of your life; only your body has the inner intelligence to make these impossibly complex calculations.

As if that is not enough, then there is the water and electrolyte balance in the body, which also shifts all the time depending on many factors. Our mainstream medicine pronounced salt to be ‘evil’ and recommends reducing its consumption. Processed salt should not be consumed just as all processed foods should not be consumed (as these things are unnatural for human physiology and should not be called ‘food’). However, natural unprocessed salt (such as Himalayan crystal salt or Celtic salt) contains more than 90 minerals and not only is good for us, it is essential for our bodies to maintain the right water/electrolyte balance. Then there is the myth that we need to drink lots of water every day, even different amounts in litresperday are prescribed in nutritional literature. Following that advice blindly can get you into a lot of trouble, if your body is low on electrolytes and needs salt instead of water. No matter how clever we think we are, we cannot calculate how much salt or water we should consume at any given time: only your body knows that, and it has excellent ways of telling you what it needs – thirst for water, desire for salt or any particular food, which may have the right mineral composition. Make no mistake: your body knows the nutrient composition of foods on this planet!

These are just a few factors to demonstrate to you that no laboratory, no clever doctor or scientist and no clever book can calculate for you what you should be eating at 8am, or 1pm, or 6pm or in between. Only your body has the unsurpassed intelligence to figure out what it needs at any given moment of your life, as your nutritional needs change all the time: every minute, every hour and every day.

So, what do we do? How do we feed ourselves properly? The answer is: get back in touch with your body’s inner intelligence. Just think: if your body needs so much protein right now + so much fat + so much carbohydrate + so much of vitamin B12 and so much of vitamin C, how would it let you know that it needs this particular composition of nutrients? And even if your body had a way of letting you know all this information, how would you go about providing this mix of nutrients? How are you to calculate all those factors and provide the right amounts? Well, Mother Nature is kind and it is not asking us to do anything so complicated. Instead it gave us senses of SMELL, TASTE, DESIRE for a particular food and a sense of SATISFACTION after eating it. So, when your body needs a particular mix of nutrients, it will give you a desire for a particular food, which contains just that right mix; this particular food will smell divine to you and taste wonderful, and you will feel satisfied after eating it. But in an hour or two the needs of your body will change, and that particular food will not be appealing anymore for you; instead you will have a desire for another food, which nutritionally will serve you correctly for that particular moment of your life.

So, the only way for us to serve our bodies properly with the right food is to be in touch with our senses!

Let us think about it a little more.

The DESIRE for a particular food

The word ‘desire’ has somewhat a negative feel for many people thanks to centuries of religious and political conditioning, desire is considered to be something we ‘have to resist’ and must not ‘succumb to’. Yet, desire for a particular food is the main way your body tells you what it needs at any particular moment nutritionally. So, when you get hungry stop and think: “What would I desire to eat right now? What is the most appealing food for me right now?” Forget about all the books you have read, forget about all the nutritional mantras of what you have to eat at a particular time of day, and just ask the question. The answer will come immediately, and just the thought of that particular food will fill your mouth with saliva. Respect your desire! Desire is your inner body intelligence talking to you, letting you know what it needs to keep you healthy, energetic and happy. If you listen to your desire every time you eat, you will be able to digest that food well and it will do you only good, because you have eaten it at the right time, just when your body asked for it.

Trouble is that in our modern commercial world people’s desires for food have been manipulated through the use of addictive and tastealtering chemicals in processed foods. Yes, many processed socalled ‘foods’ contain chemicals specifically designed to make them addictive. Listening to your desire only applies to natural foods – foods that Mother Nature has designed. Stop eating processed foods and your normal sense of desire for food will return.

The sense of SMELL

Have you ever observed animals? They will never put anything in their mouths without smelling it first. Why? Because wild animals are fully in touch with their instincts – their inner body intelligence. Sense of smell gives your body a lot of information about the food: is it safe to eat, has it been contaminated by chemicals or microbes, is it fresh, and most importantly, is it appropriate for your bodily needs at the moment? So, before putting anything into your mouth smell it: if it is the right food for you at the moment, it will smell very appealing. If it is not the right food, it will smell repulsive. Respect your sense of smell and listen to it.

Trouble is, that many people in our modern world have a damaged sense of smell due to use of synthetic perfumes. All smelly manmade chemicals, such as laundry detergents, domestic cleaning chemicals, socalled air fresheners and perfumes block the olfactory receptors (the smell receptors) in your nose. Your nose has a limited number of olfactory receptors, and once they are blocked by a chemical, new molecules of that chemical coming in have nothing to attach to, so you cannot smell it anymore. We all have met people who smell like a perfume factory, but they do not realise just how excessively they apply their perfume onto themselves, because they cannot smell it anymore, their smell receptors in the nose are blocked with that chemical. The same happens with common laundry detergents, which use very powerful perfumes in order to disguise the unpleasant smell of the detergent itself. People who use them regularly are unable to smell them anymore, because these people are exposed to this smell all the time from their clothes, towels and bedding. These people cannot smell their food properly either, as their smell receptors in the nose are permanently occupied by their laundry detergent. To restore your sense of smell, remove all smelly/perfumed chemicals from your environment: replace your laundry detergent with a nonscented natural one and do not use any perfumes, scented personal care products or air fresheners. In a few weeks time your olfactory receptors will clean themselves up and your sense of smell will return.

The sense of TASTE

Food is one of the greatest pleasures of life, and so it must be! If the food is not pleasurable, then it is the wrong food for you at the moment (no matter how ‘healthy’ it is supposed to be)! So, listen to your sense of taste and respect it! It is your friend as it is one of the channels of communication between your body’s inner intelligence and your conscious mind. How else would your body tell you that it needs a particular mix of nutrients, but by giving you great pleasure from consuming them in the form of food?

The trouble is that many people have an altered or dulled sense of taste due to regular consumption of processed foods. Many processed foods contain tastealtering chemicals, which are deliberately added to the ‘food’. These chemicals are not only toxic, but can alter your perception of taste for a long time, so it is essential to stop consuming processed foods in order to restore your normal sense of taste. Many nutritional deficiencies can alter the perception of taste (zinc deficiency is particularly known for this). As you start consuming a natural wholesome diet your nutritional deficiencies will diminish and your sense of taste will return. Toxins in your mouth can also alter your perception of taste. Try to brush your teeth with coldpressed olive oil (or any other coldpressed oil) instead of toothpaste: this Ayurvedic procedure has a good record in detoxifying the mouth. Working with a holistic dentist is very important, as many dental materials in the mouth can make it toxic and alter your sense of taste.

The sense of SATISFACTION after eating

If you have eaten a meal appropriate for your body’s nutritional needs at the time, you will feel fully satisfied. There will be no cravings for something else, only a nice comfortable feeling of satisfaction, which will allow you to focus on other things in your life and forget about food for a while.

It is important not to overeat, so you don’t feel ‘stuffed’. However, if you listen to your sense of pleasure from food, then you will not overeat because you would stop eating as soon as the food stops being pleasurable. Pleasure on / pleasure off are the signals your body gives you to let you know about its needs. Your sense of pleasure will keep you eating as long as your body still needs the nutrients from that particular food; as soon as your body had enough of those nutrients, the food will stop giving you pleasure.

Cravings for sweet foods are common amongst GAPS people due to unstable blood sugar level. It takes time to normalise blood sugar and the most effective way to deal with it is to increase your fat consumption, particularly animal fats (within your pleasure zone, of course). So, consume plenty of animal fats with your meals. In order to keep your blood sugar at a stable level between meals make a mixture of raw butter (or coconut oil) with some raw honey to taste, put it into a glass jar which you can carry with you, and eat a few spoonfuls every 2030 minutes all day. This measure can be very helpful in the initial stages of the treatment. As your blood sugar regulation will normalise through the use of GAPS Nutritional Programme, you will be able to gradually reduce and stop eating butter/honey mixture.

How do we apply this wisdom while on the GAPS diet?

The GAPS Diet is not set in stone; you have to adapt it for your unique body, for its unique daily needs. The GAPS diet gives you the list of foods to work with. When you eat these different foods and in what proportions is up to you. Listen to your body’s needs, communicated to you through the senses of desire, smell, taste and satisfaction. For example, one day you may feel like only an apple for breakfast, but tomorrow you may enjoy a large cooked breakfast made from eggs, bacon, sausages and a salad. For example, on the first day you were very happy just to drink meat stock and eat some cooked chicken, but next day you do not feel like meat or meat stock at all and are much happier to eat vegetables and yoghurt. Your body will let you know what proportions of protein, fat and carbohydrate to have at every meal. How? Through desire for particular foods; so when you sit down to a family meal, eat only what appeals to you at the time, and in the amounts that appeal to you.

It is essential to listen to your body’s desires when you are following the GAPS diet the Introduction Diet or the Full GAPS Diet. Your desires will let you know how quickly to move through the stages of the Introduction Diet. It is possible that you would have to eat something not allowed on a particular stage if you really desire it, because that is what your body requires at that time, and you have to respect it. You are unique and nobody can prescribe the right sequence of food introduction for you. If you were following the GAPS Introduction Diet to a letter and felt well, but then one day you get a strong desire for, let’s say, raw tomatoes (which are not included into the plan), then listen to this desire! This is your body telling you that it needs particular nutrients at this particular time, and raw tomatoes will provide them. If you deny your body that need, you may get yourself into trouble: your electrolyte balance may get upset or your hormones may not work well, or something else will not work. Yes, you would have ‘cheated’ on the diet by eating tomatoes, but once that particular need of your body has been satisfied, you can continue with your programme. Any progress goes through two steps forward then one step back, and healing is no exception. So, don’t worry about ‘cheating’ on the diet sometimes if your body has really asked for it. This is not cheating; this is working with your body and respecting it. Remember, your body knows infinitely more about itself than we will ever know with all our intelligence and science!

Remember also that your body’s nutritional needs change all the time. So, your desire for foods will also change all the time: what felt wonderfully satisfying for breakfast may not be appealing for lunch, and what was delicious in the afternoon may feel repulsive at dinner time. All these feelings are very valid and should be listened to! You are a unique individual, so what suites one person around the table may not suite you at all.

How do we apply this to children on GAPS diet?

As parents we have to make decisions for our children. GAPS children have altered senses of smell, taste and desire for foods, and they may have severe cravings and addictions to the very foods that harm them. The cravings and addictions usually are to processed foods; as we start the GAPS Nutritional Protocol we remove all processed foods, and as a result your child may go through a period of withdrawal with all sorts of symptoms (behavioural and physical). This is important for the parents to understand in order to help the child to go through this difficult period: your child’s body is stuck in a diseased metabolic state, so it demands particular unhealthy foods to maintain and serve that state. So, unless we want to maintain this diseased metabolic state, we cannot allow the child to have those foods. Shifting the child’s body to a healthy metabolic state will take time and effort, and the GAPS Nutritional Programme will do it for you. So stick to the list of foods allowed on GAPS diet. However, within that list try to provide a large enough variety of foods for the child to choose from (when the state of withdrawal is more or less over!). It is very important for your child to start using the senses of desire, smell, taste and satisfaction. Your child will need time to learn to use these senses and to discover them in the first place, as in a diseased metabolic state these senses were suppressed and perverted. So, fill your house with GAPS food and allow you child to pick and choose (within reason of course). Allow your child to explore food the way he or she wants to, eat it with hands, eat it cold or warm, eat it at a meal table or graze on it all day.

In the first few years of life, starting from the first introduction of solids, babies and children develop their RELATIONSHIP WITH FOOD. This is extremely important to do at this stage in their lives, because if it is missed then many problems can follow (not only feeding problems, but problems in behaviour, attitude, emotions and even learning)! All the senses of the child have to be involved in the process: the sense of touch, sight, smell, taste, etc. They need to feel the touch of the food, the temperature and texture of it on their fingers, the aroma and the look of it; then they need to use their movement receptors in their muscles to transfer the food to the mouth (which is a voluntary act coming from the child’s own decision to do that, which is very important!); then they need to smell it and taste it; then chew and swallow; then their body and their stomach will give them a feedback of how this food is affecting their insides and their whole body – which completes the experience. This is a very complex mixture of sensory input which their little brains are facing for the first time in their lives, and it is absolutely essential for the normal development of the brain; new receptors, connections and centres are formed in the brain of the child during this process, which affect deeply the emotional profile of this person, the general personality and attitude to life. In order to make this a healthy process it is essential to let babies and small children to eat with their hands! In fact using cutlery and being too intent on ‘keeping things clean’ at this stage is harmful for the child’s development. This stage is very short, and the time of ‘clean’ eating with manners will come very soon. But in the first twothree years of life being messy is the best thing for your child! By all means give them a spoon and use another spoon to feed them, but the food should be in front of the children, their hands should be in the food, and they should be deeply involved in consuming the food themselves. When the child is being fed by somebody else and not allowed to be fully involved in the process, the brain does not develop the way it should (because it receives a limited sensory input). It must be a voluntary experience for the child, an act they are deeply involved in, for their brains to develop new receptors and wake up new centres. Many people don’t realise just what a big part of our lives food is! And as far as babies are concerned it is a huge part of their introduction to the life on this planet and their harmonious development. This developmental stage will affect the way their whole life will unfold, because it shapes their emotional profiles and their personalities! If you invest into this developmental stage at a very early stage the rewards will be great for your children for the rest of their lives! Children who are allowed to develop a healthy relationship with food usually have positive and sunny personalities.

In order for the child to develop normal senses in relation to food the child needs natural healthy foods full of flavour and taste – rich and satisfying. The food needs to be homemade from fresh natural ingredients.

In conclusion: Mother Nature took billions of years to design the human body; it is an incredibly intelligent creation! As the natural foods on this planet have been designed during the same time, your inner body intelligence knows their composition, and knows what foods to choose for particular needs. All we have to do is treat this intelligence with respect. Use your senses of smell, taste, desire for food and satisfaction from eating it to guide you in your decisions: when to eat, what foods to eat and in what combinations. And remember: you are unique, so what suits your neighbour may not suite you at all.

Barry Long

November 14, 2020

Physical – Mental – Vital

The physical is external reality. The mental is our thought process – an intermediate reality. And the vital is the reality behind both.

We have created a world of thought between the nothing and the something. That’s the intermediate world. And more and more we are spending our time there rather than the physical world. It is taking us over. We are losing what is real, to have what is unreal.

If you go around thinking, working things out intellectually, you’re in the intermediate world. It’s a never-ending world. There’s no end to its seduction. And, of course, the mental world generates emotions and blockages because as soon as we think of our ex-lover, or the job we got sacked from, it stirs a psychic prisoner in us – a resentment against someone or something. The mental will always stir a blockage in us if it can.

The mental, intermediate world doesn’t achieve anything except to entertain us. We’re so compulsively habituated to the love of being entertained that we go for the closest bit of entertainment there is in what appears to be a very dull, physical world. That entertainment, in the first instance, is our imagination.

We invented our mentality, like we invented the internet, which is the result of all our thought-processes, in a sort of halo around the earth – a band of information surrounding the world that all our computers tap into. This vast network of information in the intermediate world is useless entertainment – information presented as worthwhile and having some meaning. We are all compelled, through our business or busy-ness, to go into it. And now we are stuck with it.

But the wonderful thing is that in the vital, which I am, I am free. I am beyond all thought. I am beyond the intermediate. I am beyond the death of this physical body. I am deeper than that. The vital is my reality.

~ Barry Long


November 11, 2020

An 80% solution is usually good enough.

– Commander David Fravor


November 5, 2020

One of the most important things Feldenkrais took from Kano and judo was the understanding of reversibility: actions, to be intelligent, must be performed in such a way that at any given moment they can be stopped or reversed – turned in the opposite direction. The secret was never to move – or live – compulsively.

Living or performing actions compulsively is the opposite of doing them in a differentiated way. The compulsive action, unlike the differentiated one, is always done the same way. Unlike the differentiated one it is always done the same way and uses a lot of mental effort with little awareness.

Edited from The Brain’s Way of Healing.


November 3, 2020

The different types of astrology are like different style of martial arts. Each has something to contribute.

Wake Up

November 3, 2020

Anger is a potent spice. A pinch wakes you up but too much dulls your senses.

– The Queen’s Gambit


November 1, 2020

A falling knife has no handle.


October 28, 2020

“I learned from various sources that many of Mother’s devotees had been fortunate enough to find the images of many gods and goddesses revealed in Her body. But as I saw with my own eyes manifestations of great supernatural powers in Her everyday life, I did not care to look for some special revelation. My humble aspiration was that if I could model my life after the ideals of patience and composure always manifested in Her, it would be more than enough for me.

Still, man’s natural impulse to see some material embodiment of divine powers in human life, prompted me one day to enquire from Her, when I found Her alone: I asked, “Mother, pray, tell me, what are you in reality?” She laughed out loud and said with all affection: ”How could such childish queries arise in your heart? The vision of gods and goddesses appears in accordance with one’s inherited dispositions (samskaras). I am what I was and what I shall be; I am whatever you conceive, think, or say. But it is a supreme fact that this body has not come into being to reap the fruits of past karma. (Prarabdha or the results of actions of past births about to mature in this life.) Why don’t you take it that this body is the material embodiment of all your thoughts and ideas? You all have wanted it and you have it now. So play with this doll for some time. Further questions will be fruitless.” I said, “These words of yours, Mother, do not satisfy my yearning.” Hearing this, She spoke with slight vehemence, “Say, say, what more you desire” and immediately a dazzling flood of heavenly light shone forth from Her face. I was struck dumb with awe and wonder. All my doubts were laid at rest.

About fifteen days later, I went to Shah-bag one morning and found the door of Mother’s bed-room closed. I sat down in front of it some 25 to 30 feet away. The door opened all at once. I found to my bewilderment, the figure of a divinely beautiful goddess as genially bright as the sun at dawn, illumining the whole interior of the room. In the twinkling of an eye, She withdrew all the radiance within Her body and Mother was there, standing and smiling in Her usual manner.

In a second the whole vision had passed off as the play of some supernal magic. To me, it appeared that I had dropped down from dreamland. I remembered at once that Mother had revealed Herself in response to what I had said a few days back. I began to recite a hymn and prayed to Her, ”May I be a worthy son of yours, worthy to be blessed with all your motherly bounty and grace.”

After a little while, Mother advanced towards me. She picked a flower and a few blades of durba grass [Durbadala -a common grass, the blades of which are used during worship] and placed them on my head, as I fell at Her feet.[Those sacred emblems were left with the wife of the translator when Sri J.C. Ray left for Kailash]

I was beside myself with joy and rolled on the ground at Her feet. The day that is gone never comes back. How I wish for a happy return of that blessed day.

From that moment a deep conviction began to take root in my mind that She was not only my mother but the Mother of this universe. I returned home. As soon as I collected myself, the same luminous image of Mother flashed upon my mind and tears streamed down my cheeks. From that very day onwards Her grace worked such a change in me and in so natural a manner that Her figure occupied the place of the goddess whom I had worshipped all these eighteen years, since my initiation in early youth. This change at times created some doubt in my mind as to whether I was pursuing the right course or not. But in a few days, Mother took Her rightful place in my soul, possessing it fully.”

–Mother as Revealed to Me by Bhaiji’s Matri Darshan, Foreword pages 5-6