I saw on a friend’s Facebook wall a comment about husbands who go to prostitutes. Whenever this comes up, there is often an underlying tone that husbands are guilty and the wives are innocent. In a superficial sense this is true. But this kind of victim mentality doesn’t solve anything. If she wants empowerment then she has to find it within herself.
Many people personalise the infidelity and indulge in blame, anger, resentment, bitterness and low self-esteem. Many people stay stuck in these emotions for decades – it is a waste of a life. This kind of reaction isn’t going to help anyone. In fact, if it remains unresolved you’ll probably pass the issue on to your children and they will play it out in their lives.
Energy is never blocked – it is always expressed both in ourselves and in others. So if a woman finds out that her man is cheating it would be very good for her to sit down and consider where her lust is expressing in her own life.
Perhaps she is suppressing her own sexual desire. Perhaps her lust is being expressed through an obsession with sleazy gossip magazines or TV shows. Perhaps she has a lust for shoes, handbags or jewellery. Perhaps she is trying to meet her needs through flirtation with other men. She will be expressing an equal energy somewhere.
When this equal energy is found then it is much harder to blame others for what they do, when we are doing the same, in our own way. This establishes equality and it is much easier to restore harmony when we see more similarities between people than differences. It also reduces any self-righteousness – this sense of “I am better than you” or “I have the moral high-ground”.
If a woman thinks that her husband going to prostitutes is selfish, then she should find out where she is being selfish in equal measure. If she thinks he has ruined the relationship, then she should find out what she has done to ruin the relationship. If she thinks men should suppress their need for sexual expression, then she should consider how women should suppress their need for emotional expression.
This simple exercise alone is enough to repair many divisions in relationships. It creates compassion, tolerance and understanding. By understanding our own weaknesses we become much more understanding of others. Then we approach people with empathy rather than condemnation. An empathetic attitude is much more healing than condescension.
I’m not condoning the actions of a cheating partner – bad behaviour should not be tolerated, but it must be understood and approached with a mature attitude and objectivity rather than imbalanced emotional reactivity.
Imagine that you had committed a crime and you were brought before a judge. Would rather be brought before a judge who despised your crime, resented you for doing it and with high emotion and righteousness sought to punish you severely, or would you rather face a judge who is like a wise grandparent that understands that people make mistakes and that you will have to face the consequences and make amends?
After all, life is holographic and what we see in others is also within us. This recognition of sameness with others brings us closer to recognising the oneness of life.