Drop One Tug-of-War, Start Another

Often when there is tension in a relationship it is because we are trying to get something from others – love, respect, attention. Most humans feel small and finite so they don’t want to give. So we end up with a tug-of-war.

The solution is to let go of the rope. This means to let go of our attachments and demands that others conform to our vain desires. In many cases when our tension goes away the other person will change as if by magic.

Curiously though, we are generally not interested in people that we are neutral with. We are here on Earth to sort out our incomplete parts – our attachments and aversions – and when those are completed we are naturally moved onto the next level of attachments and aversions. When we are not being challenged, we are not growing.

To state it another way, imagine starting off as a junior in a business. Once we master those skills we get promoted to the next level – middle management which has a new set of challenges. When we master those skills we move up again. And it is the same in life. Once we have completed one level we lose interest in it. It becomes redundant and we leave it behind and move up to the next level. (This is the Peter Principle – that everyone tends to get promoted to their level of incompetence.)

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