Following on from my post in December about values, I’ve been thinking about how we judge others according to our own values.
For a long time I looked at others through the lens of my spiritual values. If people weren’t seeking the “Kingdom of Heaven within” then I felt they were wasting their lives – selling a diamond for the price of spinach – and mentally I condemned them.
Over time I decided that my point of view was reasonable (I’m sure everyone thinks their view is reasonable!) but my attitude was wrong. There is no need to condemn anybody, no need to be self-righteous.
Frequently, I meet people who judge me according to their values. It is only natural and I don’t blame them – I do it myself. But now I see the pain that judgement brings – the duality of success/failure, rich/poor, fat/thin, intelligent/stupid. It instantly creates a life of boundaries and fears for the person who sees life this way.
When we say this is good and that is bad, then we create the tendency to run away from bad and chase good. The problem is that just by making these distinctions we make our lives divided, troubled and restless. The knowledge of good and evil takes us out of the Garden of Eden.
So what do you do if you are faced with something you don’t like? Like alcoholism in yourself or another, or criticism, or the shape of your ears? Simple. Dr D. says to write a list of 20-1000 reasons why the thing you don’t like benefits you. Write why it supports your highest values. You may be thinking that there are no benefits, but there are. There are always benefits.
There are many people who will say that the best thing that ever happened to them was being fired or a heart-attack or being dumped or beaten-up. It’s just a matter of getting a helpful perspective. You don’t have much choice in the matter. Either see it in a good light or be bitter and resentful. How do you want to feel?
So how do you want to feel about your cauliflower ears? Writing out a few benefits will quickly change your attitude. Perhaps your ears makes you less judgemental of others, more compassionate, less vain, makes you look beyond appearances, challenges you to learn how to accept things, shifts your focus to more important things in life, lets people know about your interest in rugby….
After a few reasons you’ll think that they’re not good or bad, that they just are. But if you write lots of reasons you’ll become grateful – so grateful that you will feel blessed and wouldn’t want it any other way.
This method applies to any aspect of life that we resist. It takes time and effort, but it is worthwhile. Being able to see the good in the bad and the bad in the good will neutralize any polarity. And when you are no longer bound by these dualities, then you will find a freedom that you have never known before.
SunYogi Blog 
Right on again Kiwi Yogi; I’m enjoying your exploration of the transformation of perception and ‘life within the dream’.
In the Toltec perspective the lens of our values by which we automatically judge others constitutes our ‘view of the world’. Similarily how we feel and think about ourselves constitutes our ‘personal history’ or self-image.
One of the main tasks of the would be Warrior is to become free of these limiting and narrow mind constructs which yields Sobriety (fluidly and clarity of ordinary perception) and Feeling (the ability to listen to our true feelings).
Together Sobriety and Feeling constitute that dynamic balance and integration between head and heart which allows the Warrior to actualise his or her true Strength and Power and thereby to walk a Path with a Heart.
Another important aspect of this which you also discuss is in learning to view our challenges in life not as problems but as Gifts of Power which highlight our shortcomings, giving us the opportunity to Fight for our Freedom and thereby to Claim our Power as Magical Beings of the Universe.
Hi Andrew, it’s so true…our limited (though useful) ego has no idea what is “good” (or beneficial) for it. Let go and enjoy the ride, or something like that.
Obi Wan: The word “sobriety” makes me think of someone who is square and boring, but I get your point… 🙂
Suzanne: Yes, this is an interesting point. The ego “thinks” it knows what is good and bad, can’t it escape from the jungle of good and bad because it is the jungle.
Just letting go is of course the best way, but sometimes that’s like telling a smoker to just stop smoking – easier said than done.
yes that’s jargon for you; perhaps ‘clarity’ is a more commonly relatable word. about this business of good and bad; it’s all that snakes fault back in the day if you ask me; if only Eve had gone for banana’s or even a nice kiwi fruit instead……………..
For your ears – you can always get them pinned. That would also fix the criticism!
😉